You're a womanizer and a bitch.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
