Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
