win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
