He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Terrible idea I love it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He has the fingertips of a God
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
