apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My penis needs a shock collar
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
