i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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