PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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