I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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