So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
