I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
