Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Randomize
