For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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