Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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