Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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