it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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