Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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