you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
