Non-Jews are for practice
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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