my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
