haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
