He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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