I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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