Need sex. Gaining weight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
