Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
