I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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