Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
