Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
