you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
