you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
