I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
