I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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