what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
