A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He better not be in your backpack
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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