i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
