I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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