We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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