how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
