I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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