I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
