i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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