its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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