cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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