were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
