i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
