I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We had to coat check the pizza.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
