dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
