Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
