i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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