i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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