Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
