So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
