Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
