and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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