we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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