this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You did what with his pubic hair?
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