I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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