so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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