Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
