This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
