office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
