How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
