Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
