If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
