Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
