watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
