u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
