I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
