If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
