She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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