ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
