I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
